It started with a friend request .

Huhhhh ! It’s 9 October , and I am sure that he doesn’t even remember what is special about it . For him it might be just a date , but for me its the first day we have met . I know he doesn’t even remember me ,than how is it possible that our anniversary would even matter to him .

I still remember how we have met , we both didn’t even talk to each other .He was so shy that he didn’t even look at me directly . May be it was because my brother was there or the presence of his ex girlfriend . Anyways that time I was just trying to come out of a broken relationship . I was emotionally shattered, though when I look at him, I found him quiet cute and attractive . But emotionally I was not even in a good state to approach someone, so I decided to avoid him. And I have never thought, for that reason you might called me as someone who have attitude .

Though , I found him cute , but he was my elder brother’s friend , who visited our home during the durga puja vacation so I didn’t even gave it a second thought . The only word we have exchanged to each other was when I asked him for tea and snacks . He refused it and asked me to pass the laptop . He transfer all the snapshots to the laptop and left. That’s was it ,our first meeting was over, I didn’t even knew his name and I thought same goes for him . But to my surprise , after few minutes of his leaving , I received a notification on my social media sites . It was a friend request from Swashankha Paul . When I checked the profile it was him .I was so happy inside , I had butterflies in my tummy , that feeling i can’t express in word . I quickly accepted it .

This was how we met , our first meeting , I never thought he would became so special one day . Though we we’re strangers now . I turned my face to the other side when ever I saw him . Today it’s just a different story , the love birds had turned to strangers now .

It was not me but mah love for him ..

He wiped her tears by making me cry ,

By making me heartbroken , he makes her day bright.

But still at the end he comes to me , and says that he loves me all the time ,

he misses me everytime .

And I am stupid to believe him .

But it ‘s not me , its my love for him that makes me believe all the time .

He goes out with her ,

keeping his phone off ,

takes snapshots but when I get to know about it,

he makes me feel guilty all the time,

for not understanding him ,

for fighting with him everytime .

But do I have another option,

Not to fight and standing with him all the time ,

even after he kept me as his second option ,

having another girl beside .

Do I have another option ? No..

But yeah though I fight

He is still in mah heart .

He gives thousand reason to leave but still I got the one reason to stay with him all the time .

I know I am stupid but believe me its not me, it’s mah love for him all the time ..

It’s painful deep inside

I tried thousand times to move on but everytime I failed ,

Your single snapshot , your single call, your single text pull me back to be with you again .

Why is it so hard to forget you ?

For you it might be simple as anything

to come for me than also to go for her .

What love is this , dividing it between two different girls .

But what about us ,

don’t you understand it’s painful deep inside,

whenever I see your pictures with her my tears rolled down ,

My heart goes heavy , I feel like nothing is left behind .

And I think same goes with her .

For you it might be easy to choose anyone between us everytime .

But why don’t you understand ,

For us it’s not that easy to share the love in your life .

We both love you , and you know that too ,

But now I can’t afford to share the love ,

Because believe me , it’s painful deep inside.

তুমি।।

হয় ভাল পাওঁ আজিও তোমাক ,

আজিও মোৰ বাবে তুমিয়ে মৰম হৈ আছে ।

কিন্তু মোৰ মৰমৰ বিনিময়ত তোমাৰ ভাল পোৱা নালাগে মোক,

হয়তো আজিও সেই মৰম মিছা হব ।

মূখা পিন্ধা এজন অভিনেতাৰ দৰে ,

নহব নে ?

চকুলো হয় আজিও বৈ আহে ,

তোমাৰ নাম আন কাৰোবাৰ লগত শুনি ।

সেইয়া তোমাৰ নিৰ্ণয় আছিল ,

ভালপোৱা বাধ্যত পৰিটো নহয়।।

হয় ভাল পাওঁ আজিও তোমাক ,

কিন্তু ,

মোৰ মৰমৰ বিনিময়ত মূখা পিন্ধা মৰম নালাগে।।

তোমাৰ হাঁহি থকা মুখ খন চাই মইও সুখী ,

লাগিলে সেই হাঁহি তোমাক মোৰ ঠাইত

আন কোনোবায়ে দিয়ক।

তোমাৰ হাঁহিতে আজি হাঁহিব শিকিলোঁ ,

প্রকৃততে প্রেম এইয়াই ,

নহয় জানো?

তোমাৰ মূখা পিন্ধা মুখ খনত মৰম বিচাৰিছিলোঁ।

তোমাৰ বাবে যি অভিনয় ,

মোৰ বাবে মৰম আছিল।

আৰু সেয়ে ভালপাওঁ আজিও তোমাক,

কিন্তু,

তাৰ বিনিময়ত মূখা পিন্ধা মৰম নালাগে মোক।।

A fly to life once again..

The life that has come to an end,

Is living again ,

Someone has furnished her

with unconditional love and blessings,

So that the lonely bird could fly again.

In the open sky to touch the clouds ,

to feel the drops of the rain .

The lonely bird is chirruping for the second time again .

Singing her sweet song ,

Looking at the ocean ,

She is dancing with the wind once again .

After the autumn shed the trees ,

She lifted her sprits to see the spring,

To behold the beauty of the new beginnings,

the lonely bird is flying to life

once again .

The Thankyou That Comes From The Suicidal Thought..

It was about 2am , late night . That night I was not sleepy and neither him .We were celebrating our five years of relationship . We both were talking , remembering ,the first day we met , all the pain and the suffering that I have faced to be the only girl in his life , all the separation that we have gone through . All I knew was that he was mine , he was not going to be with anyone else .He was going to be with me forever . I was enjoying the moment . I was happy . I was on cloud nine .

As we were talking He kissed me on my fore Head and promised to be with me forever . He pull me closer , so close that I was clearly hearing his heartbeat . My heart started to beat faster , with his every kisses my breath was Increasing . I was living the moment where he was showering his love on me . I gave myself to him . I surrender myself to him to be his soul .

The next morning , when I wake up he was leaving . He said he had some works to do . Hours passed by ,he was not answering my calls . I was afraid , not a single good thought was coming to my mind . Though I kept on calling , I kept on messaging but there was no respond . And in the evening a message beeped that wrecked my world , It was from her ,the another girl in his life , she asked me whether I was in a relationship with him , I replied yes . Without out wasting a moment I called her up , though her line was busy , I kept on calling .After few minutes she called me back and said that she was talking to him , she was his girlfriend not me .My whole world just shattered hearing those words . She said that since morning he was with her , they were in a relationship , and I was no where in his life .I can’t believe my ears , what I heard ,was that Even true .

Hearing all this nothing comes to my mind , I just wanna talk to him . Not a single drop of tear was rolling from my eyes . I was afraid , shattered .I was not sleeping , not eating , all I want was his answers .I kept on repeating in my mind , whatever she said was false , it can’t be true so don’t cry .

It was about 1am and finally he called me , I was just hoping whatever she said must be a lie , my ears were waiting for his words . And then he talked , he asked me, whether I was going crazy to call him so many times and before I could ask him anything he said that I was not giving him his space ,he wanted some time to think . I asked him to think what? , what was all that a night before? , who was the girl who called me? , are you cheating on me? . And the only answer he gave was let’s break up . For a second I couldn’t believe my ears , tears were rolling down . I was begging him , not to do that to me please but he didn’t give a second thought and disconnected the line . I kept on calling but he blocked my number and my dream world just got destroyed .

I was angry ,sad , worried . I was alone . I was broken , but I couldn’t do anything , I wanna kill myself for loving him so much . I was frustrated so next morning I left for home . Though only thing was coming to my mind was him and his words . While I was sitting on the bus I kept on calling him but he didn’t answered , I was texting him but he didn’t replied . In just a day I was a stranger for him ,5 years of relationship finished in just blink of the eyes. “In my mind I was repeating to myself ” don’t cry , you are strong enough , he will call back , he loves you only you” I was a fool right .

At home also I was not able to sleep , I was not talking to anyone , I was not eating . It was like my smile , my happiness , my life has ended and at last I decided to finished myself . I was afraid but I was broken . I took the knife and was about to cut my wrist, My mom entered the room . She saw me with the knife that day I saw my mom crying . I said everything to her and she replied –

“I kept you in my womb for nine months and just for a boy you decided to kill yourself , he gave you love , happiness for just 5years but what about me I have been giving you everything love , happiness , care since you are in my womb . Did I fail to give you anything you want , if no than why is it that you took such a step without even thinking of me your dad your family beta , we love you . If the boy didn’t understood your love then you were also not able to understand our love “

She was sobering , tears were rolling down . The knife fell from my hands , I was angry at myself how stupid I was to even think such things.My love was my family ,they gave me unconditional love .I said sorry to my mom and promised her to never Ever repeat such things .

And after few days , he texted me again but that day I only replied Thankyou to him and asked him to move on .

My mates …

It became the second home for me ,

Though I never thought I would like the place so much ,

That it would become an unforgettable journey .

Pushpalaya Girls hostel , room no 3 ,

It was not just a room ,It became a memory .

A beautiful memory that would be cherished whole life .

I lived there along with my three butterflies ,

Junaki our Mom , Megha our heroine and Lon our panda …

My three Angeles , my saviour in Dibrugarh .

Though it was only the half , my whole family is yet to be introduced .

Room no 3 may not be alloted to them ,

but they were not less than my roommates ,

Deepi our advisor , Mala our singer and Riya our star .

They were my six beautiful bitches,

they made my journey worth to be remembered , worth to be cherished.

They scold like a father ,

Care like a mother,

Protects like a brother ,

And Irritates like a sister.

they were my Angeles , they were my bitches , they were the devils and they were the saviour .

We may have arguments ,but never hated each other ,

We may not talk sometimes but understand each other

We fight ,we cried , but at the end we loved each other .

And that’s my second family ,

My mates in the hostel

My mates in room no 3 .